Birthday Presents
by TheMusicMistress
Summary: On indefinite HIATUS. Vincent gives Yuffie seven presents for her seventeenth birthday. A sweet story about how friends can become something more. From the POV of Yuffie.
1. Ice

Birthday Presents

By: TheMusicMistress

Summary: A short story of seven vignettes. For Yuffie's seventeenth birthday, Vincent promises seven presents, one for each day of the week. From the point of view of Yuffie.

OOOO

_Monday_

So I woke up not wanting to wake up.

The sun glared through my blinds because I always close them in the wrong direction.

Not a good start for my big day.

One-seventh of my big day, anyway. It wasn't my birthday for another seven days. Besides, I'm not even sure seventeen is such a fabulous number. It just means I'm seventeen years closer to my death. That in another year I'll have to call myself an adult and join the wrinkly masses.

Plus, it's one year shy of being an adult. So I'm too old now to call myself a kid but too young to be called an adult. It's like being stuck between a rock and a giant cactus shaped like a rock—a very uncomfortable situation.

But really, I'm just being grumpy because I know that last night I finished the last of my Choco-Puffs and I can't function properly without them. Epileptic seizures and stuff.

Better just stay in bed.

"Yuffie get up."

Tifa knocks on my door like she does every morning because I'm incapable of waking myself up. Sometimes on the worse mornings she has to get Cloud to unscrew the door handle to get inside. I just bought three extra door locks though—all different colors because that makes me happy—so she's been having real big problems with that.

I tell myself sometimes that I should just move back home with my dad because then at least I'd be living like a princess. But then living with dad would mean doing chores that somehow always revolve around his stupid koi ponds—clean the dookie koi pond, feed the koi in the pond, teach the koi how to swim in the koi pond.

Finally I staggered out of bed like an old lady. See? Almost my seventeenth birthday and I'm already starting to feel the debilitating effects of aging. In a few minutes I'd be crawling and drooling on the floor.

"I'm coming Teefster."

Of course, when I say that I mean I'm coming after I take another ten minute nap and until I smell her cooking pancakes or the familiar crunch of Choco-Puffs.

I heard her waddle away and I knew she was happy that I got out of bed without her having to call Cloud up the stairs. Sometimes I do that on purpose though because Cloud isn't that bad looking and sometimes staring at his body wakes me up. Sometimes. Tifa isn't supposed to know that though.

I stood in front of my closet and deliberated on what to wear longer than I needed to. What month was it again? November? Oh yeah, heh, my birthday. Well, if it was November then it'd be relatively cold…too bad I only owned shorty shorts! Ha. Wait, that wasn't so funny. I was going to freeze.

I heard voices downstairs as I was putting on a tank top and shorts—my only option, really. Rather, I heard his voice.

"You could break you neck that way," Tifa cried at me as I skipped the stairs and jumped over the side of the railing, landing seven feet below. I just gave her the I'm-The-Great-Ninja-Yuffie smile.

"She's right."

My eyes zeroed in on the speaker.

"Valentine!" I cried, running toward my very tall, dark, and handsome friend. I jumped up on his chest and he nearly dropped me. I grabbed onto his hair for support.

Since our adventures together we had become chummy old friends. Ever since the defeat of Sephiroth he had been frequenting Tifa's place. Supposedly he began to come around to keep in touch with his friends, but lately it's been just me since I've been taking up all of his time. Why, just last week he slept over here! I crept into his room and drew on his face in permanent marker. That was fun. Except he was awake the whole time. I don't know why in the world he didn't stop me…

"Good morning," he said to me in his deep baritone voice (a little strained, I pulled out some of his hair) that always made me feel a little wobbly. Heh, he had really nice eyes. I mean face. I mean body. I mean voice. What was I talking about again? "Are you alright?"

I looked up at him with big wide 'ol eyes. He still had the trace of a permanent marker moustache on his face. Ha ha. "I need Choco-Puffs," I said automatically. Then I jumped down and ran into a table. Fell on my knees. Then I ran out the door.

After I few minutes I smelled Vincent's cologne behind me.

Vincent tells me that he followed me because Cloud said I become frantic when there are no Choco-Puffs at the store, which happens often because they are deliciously popular. Cloud wanted Vincent to tag along so I wouldn't run away to another city in my crazed state of needing Choco-Puffs.

Or that least that's what I deduced from Vincent's prolonged silences. Hey, you know, if shooting people didn't quite give him enough retirement money he could always be a mime.

Ha ha. Funny mental image.

"So Valentine, how old are you?"

My too-subtle way of reminding him it's almost my birthday.

"I _did_ get you a birthday present, Yuffie."

Ah, Vincent was great. What a sweetie. Not to mention he was amazing at knowing exactly what I was thinking. We just had amazing chemistry—a bond where friends automatically understand too-subtle messages through their linked psycho telekinetic powers. Or was it psychic? Whatever.

"Thanks Vinnie! How'd you know it was my birthday?"

He gave me "the look".

He popped open his cell phone, clicked a few things, and held it up to my face. I already knew what it was but I stopped walking to look at it anyways. It always gave me the cackles.

MESSAGE INBOX:

YUFFIE-FOURTEEN DAYS!

YUFFIE-THIRTEEN DAYS!

YUFFIE-TWELVE DAYS!

YUFFIE-I got Marlene to fart in church! (message rolled away to reveal--) ELEVEN DAYS!

Today was only the seventh day and I forgot to send him the current message. I guess thinking up a haiku to send him took too long after all.

"You filled up my inbox."

"Nyuk nyuk, there's more where that came from!" Then I gave him a serious look. "Well maybe you should get a bigger box," I advised him.

"…"

I laughed while he simply stared at me. Before, his bloody gaze use to unnerve me. Now though, I know he stares at everything. That's what I like about Vincent. He's unbiased. Unlike Cloud, who only stares at you if he thinks you have a nice rack. Or my dad, who stares only because he's old and I think that makes blinking hard for him.

"I'm sorry," I said, when I noticed that Vincent still had this trumped look on his face. "I mean, it's really nice that you bought me a present. And that you're here to protect me from Ms. Weedy."

"…Ms. Weed—"

"The lady behind the counter. She doesn't like me very much. I use to steal candy bars from her store."

"Yuffie, you really shouldn't—"

"_Use to_, Valentine. I'm a good little girl now," I told him, winking. He stared.

"And is Ms. Weedy her real name?"

I pulled him into the store and waved at the black-haired woman behind the counter with the crooked teeth. She glared at me and held up her stubby finger with the long nails up in warning.

"No. I don't know what her real name is. I just call her that though because I think she sells weed."

"…"

"You know, marijuana? It's illegal. And green."

"I know what it is."

"Yeah, well then, she reeks of it."

"How would you know what it smells like?"

"Why are you asking so many questions? It's my birthday. Sorta. Be quiet."

Never thought I'd be telling Vincent Valentine to be quiet. He was absorbing so much of my creative energy though that I felt tired. All I wanted was to get my Choco-Puffs, not be interrogated.

Mercifully, there was one box left. This was amazing, because on Monday mornings they usually ran out. Heh, Vincent Valentine was luckier than a rabbit's foot, then. Maybe I could put a leash on him and keep him tied to my waist.

"Vincent!" I stopped him before we rounded the aisle to the cash register.

"Yuffie what are you—" He tried to pull me in the direction of Ms. Weedy.

"Gah diddly!" I snatched him back. "She'll see us."

"…"

Apparently Vincent did not understand that there was a negative aura between Ms. Weedy and I, and with a handsome man like Vincent with me she would be sure to get jealous. Then the aura would explode and I'd die. She'd live, of course, because she sold weed and her judgment wasn't at hand yet.

"She's going to kill me."

"Yuffie, you say that every time we come here."

"But it's funny."

I saw his nose scrunch a little. It was funny when he did that. I started to notice that in certain situations he'd do it. I finally figured out that maybe he has a smile defection so therefore scrunches his nose up instead. So I have to watch myself around him now, because I'm sure that if he laughed out loud his smile defection would backfire and his nose would explode. Then he'd have a hole in the middle of his face.

"Ok fine. I get it. Old joke. But really, I have no money."

Vincent never shows any real facial expression (aside from his very expressive nose), but right then I saw something mild pass through his gaze. "Neither do I," he told me.

"What? But you always have money! You're stinkin' rich! You drink wine instead of water, for Bahamut's sake!" I knew this for a fact. He had a cellar full of wine in his own home. Therefore, I think Vincent is a sophisticated alcoholic. I also think that because of his love for red wine his pee is not yellow, but a mixture of red and yellow, which would be orange.

"Shh. Ms. Weedy might hear you."

I frowned at him. Damn Vincent for playing on my weakness. I quickly stopped badgering him and lowered my voice. "Well this is the last box and I'm not letting it go."

Vincent's eyes slid half-closed, as if he was thinking. I stared at his long lashes and waited. Maybe this was a national crisis, but it was still nice to be close to him and his scent and his sexiness. Not many girls got to be this close to a supposed vampire after all. It was like a fantasy.

"Stay here," he finally said. "I'll get the money."

"And leave me _here?_" Did I sound incredulous? I hoped so. I think Ms. Weedy had little mini Ms. Weedy imps that prowled the store and bit people's ankles. People like me.

"You're a ninja," he reminded me.

I pouted. "But I'm cute too! You know those boys can't keep their hands off me…who knows what will happen to me while you're gone."

Yeah, good job Yuffie. Use boys as an example when what you're really afraid of is a tiny Asian lady at the front counter.

He arched an eyebrow at me and cleared his throat. A few rowdy boys walked into the store and he glanced at them. Then back at me. He stared at me for a bit as the boys roared loudly in the background and talked about 'going all the way'.

"You'll be fine."

"_Vincent!_**"**

He quietly stalked away from me then, his feet making no noise on the linoleum floor. I followed him with my eyes, my mouth open slightly and my hands still clutching my Choco-Puffs. Did he really just leave me? When the boys were in the middle of talking about vaginas?

Either he blindly trusted my ability to protect myself, or he didn't care if I was raped with Choco-Puffs in hand.

Not that I'd get raped. Like I'd let _that_ happen.

But still…that he left like that…

So I waited there for about a minute before he was back. Nothing happened. And I suddenly looked very high-maintenance for demanding he protect me when I was perfectly capable of doing it myself AND he wouldn't even be gone long.

"Hi…" I said awkwardly to him as he loomed over me. I almost asked him if he had to turn his showerhead up instead of down because he was so tall. Or if he'd ever peeked into a ladies' changing room since he was certainly tall enough to do so inconspicuously.

"Yuffie, if you're wondering about my height again…"

"It's ok Valentine. I know your mother was a giraffe."

"Don't only immature little kids make your mother jokes?"

Yuffie made a Who-Do-You-Think-You're-Talking-To face. "It's 'yo mamma'. You have to get the accent right."

"…"

"So, since you're such a sweetie you'll pay for the cereal, right?"

"Yuffie—"

She brutally poked him in the side and he twitched a little.

"Tag. You're it. Too bad, Valentine. Now you **have** to do it."

"Since when—"

"I'll be waiting over there…."

OOOO

"I'm sorry I was a jerk," I said to him after he had paid for the Choco-Puffs while I hid in the cosmetics aisle and tried on makeup.

He glanced at me and smirked. "I don't mind."

Why the hell was he smirking so much?

"You look like a clown," he told me. In a sincere way. Sorta. As sincere as Vincent Valentine can be, anyway.

I put my fingers to my lips and frowned at him. So what if I didn't like the first color I put on? There's nothing wrong with layering lipsticks, geez…

"Well you look like a vampire."

Vincent tapped his right arm and I looked down at it. "What? What is it?" I peered closer and laughed. "Oh, a tan! Valentine, don't tell me you bought a tanning bed."

"Tanning beds give you cancer."

"I know, but did _you _get a tanning bed?" Cajoling Vincent was so fun; he always put up with it. The man had an immaculate sense of patience.

"That's ridiculous. It's from you."

I giggled and grabbed his arm to inspect it. "I make you darker? You better be careful Vincent, you might look like Barrett in a month."

"And you'll look like Big Bertha if you keep eating those Choco-Puffs."

I gave him a punch in the shoulder. Then I noticed his blood red cape and smiled mischievously. Grabbing the side of it, I rubbed off my lipstick.

"Thank you," he said dully. I smiled at him and linked my arm through his. I popped the box—he had to help me with the bag inside—and started to eat the cereal.

"Hey, look, my nipples are hard."

_"Yuffie_. Please refrain from saying those things in public."

"Aw, you're just embarrassed because you like my boobs. It's ok Valentine."

He sighed and looked away. Gosh, I expected him to get really upset at me, but he seemed more embarrassed than angry. Maybe he really did like my breasts. Or maybe he was immune to me because I tried that same line almost every day since fall started.

"You know," I began again, "I bet you have a really uneven tan…"

"You're still on that?"

Where the hell was Vincent taking me? I just noticed we were walking away from the house. I trusted him too much.

"Yes. With that high collar of yours and that dumb cape, the only tan you have is half your face and your forearms. The rest of you looks like egg whites."

"Egg whites are clear."

"No they're not, stupid. They're white. That's why they're called egg _whites_."

"Hm."

"Vincent, where the fuzz are you taking me? Are we—hey, what're you—oh geez we're not really—"

Vincent was taking me outside the walls of Midgar! Well, actually he did that quite often. He said city life sucked. Or, um, he said something like 'urban living breeds greed and filth' or something like that. He's always trying to be the next depressing poet. I should tell him that no one will take him seriously as an assassin if he's trying to make poems, but I kinda like it.

"Let's go to the beach," I said instantly.

"No. We always go to the beach. That's why I'm tan."

I guffawed then and squeezed his arm…between my breasts. He looked away suddenly. I chuckled at him, even though my face was a little red at his reaction.

"Well, if you would take off some damn clothes when we go there then you wouldn't be one thirty-twoths tan."

"Did you just say thirty tooths? It's teeth."

"No. Geez, you're going deaf. Take me to the beach Valentine."

"Yuffie, we're not going to the beach today. I think you gave me skin cancer. And it's November."

"Yeah, on half your face."

Vincent told me that he was taking me to get my present. Instantly I was chipper. Then, after a few moments, I was suspicious. My present? In the middle of nowhere? Last year the most he had given me was some money and a pat on the head. For Christmas Vincent had surprised me with a stuffed toy—a stuffed materia, which was basically just a fuzzy ball. He told me it was materia though, and Vincent never lies. Or so he says.

"Why are you giving me my birthday present now, anyways?"

"Anyways isn't a word. It's anyway."

"Thanks for the most useless piece of information in my life. Why are you giving me the present now?"

"Because there's more than one."

Was the joy evident on my face? I quickly wiped it off like a stain on a white dress. I didn't want to look too materialistic, after all. Hey, the word materia is in materialistic…anyways—**anyway**—it wasn't about what he was giving me; it was just the fact that it was from him.

"Hey, is this like, where you say there's just one but then there's several things contained in that one?"

"What?"

"Like…so you give me a present and it looks like just a stuffed toy, but then I tear its head off and out pops a million other stuffed toys!"

"What kind of example is that? I'm not telling you anything."

"You're so boring, Valentine."

Wow, he was taking me to a lake. Why a lake? Don't ask me that, ask him. I told him I wanted to go to the beach. At least there the water was warmer. Of course, maybe Vincent secretly hated salt water. The salt could get irritating sometimes. And with hair as long as his, having salt dry it all out would be a tragedy indeed.

He walked me to the edge of the lake. The water was dark blue, but it looked black. Not to mention it looked cold. I didn't bring my swim suit, either.

"This is your present," he told me.

Was I the only one that thought the present was a little more…unusual than I expected? "Thanks," I said. "Is it named Yuffie's Giant Toilet?"

I felt his pianist like fingers on my shoulder. "Close your eyes." I heard his velvety voice above me. I let my eyes slide close. Sorta.

He waved a hand in front of me. Dumbly, I waved back.

"Yuffie."

"Whoops."

He shook his head at me and said softly, "Hopeless." He reached into his pocket and produced a wine red handkerchief. He gently, tenderly pushed my bangs out of my eyes. He peered at my profile as he tied the handkerchief around my eyes. My world went dark, but I was very aware of his presence and his warm breath that graced my cheek for a second. Then I was left to stand there.

"Don't move."

I didn't.

I heard his footsteps recede from me. He was leaving me.

"Vincent?"

"Don't move," I heard his voice, farther away.

Was it getting colder?

"Vincent, what's going on?"

I heard a funny noise, but I couldn't figure out what it was. It was a subtle sound, but I couldn't identify it. The closest thing I could come up with was a bunch of crumpling paper.

Shiva, it was getting cold all of a sudden. I wrapped my arms around myself. "Vincent!" I cried. I couldn't hear him at all. I didn't feel him there. Where the hell was he? Did he really just leave me standing at the edge of the lake? "Vincent?"

I could feel my breath now, coming in cold, short gasps. Even though he told me not to, I stepped back experimentally. No one there. Frantically, I spun myself around. "Vincent?! Why is it so cold?"

For all I knew, I was talking to the air.

I started to cry a little, and maybe I didn't tear off the blindfold because I didn't want to admit I was crying. I fell onto my behind and curled into a ball. It was definitely as freezing as hell and I completely believed the world was ending. The world was turning into a giant freezer and Vincent had left me to turn into a snowwoman at the edge of some black lake.

"Shhh." He was suddenly kneeling behind me, his clawed hand stroking my hair. He pulled my back against his chest as he sat down. I was pulled up into his lap. I sobbed like a baby.

"Merffffooo." I told him. I hate you.

He just let out a low chuckle—damn him, he was still sexy—and continued to hold me and touch my hair. I felt his human hand untying the blindfold.

"You're a big jerk," I continued to tell him. "You left me twice today."

"But never for long."

I pouted.

"Yuffie, you'll never see your present if you keep crying like that."

"Errmmuuu."

He took my head in his hands and held it quietly against his chest. Yum. Cologne.

I cried against his chest for a long time, not really understanding why. Really, it hadn't been a big deal at all. It was the thought of losing him though…the thought that he'd just leave me. That was unbearable for me even to imagine.

I finally cracked an eye open—a red, swollen eye—and gasped.

"Vinnie!"

He scrunched his nose up. "Happy birthday."

"One-seventh birthday."

Vincent had frozen over the entire lake.

He picked me up, bridal style, and took me onto the ice.

"Vincent? What're you doing? We don't have ice sk—hey, what're you—gah, Vincent!"

He put me on the ice and pushed. I slid across on my ass.

"Ayy yeee! OW!" A considerable amount of ice collected into my underwear. I stood up shakily, my butt stained wet. "Vincent! Gawd! What's your problem?"

"You told me a month ago you wanted to go ice skating."

"**Ice **skating, not **ass **skating."

He slid over to me. "Ah."

"Don't act like you didn't mean to do that. You think this is hilarious, don't you?"

"…"

Vincent and his stupid pranks. What a terrible man. But still…

"Thank you, Vincent," I said begrudgingly. "It's beautiful."

"Look," he said. He pointed to the edge of the lake.

"Hey! A snowman!" I grabbed his hand and tugged him over.

We slid up in front of the snowman, which was about my height. "Geez, Vince, did you make this? It's hideous."

"I only had a minute." He shrugged.

It had a misshapen head (like an elongated watermelon), and a disproportionately large middle and bottom. Vincent shoved the handkerchief into the middle of its face for a nose.

"It has no eyes, Valentine."

"Oh well."

"Hey, there's writing on its chest." I peered at it. "It says….u…f…VINCENT! It says Yuffie!"

He scrunched his nose up.

"Ugh! Vinnie!"

-_Birthday Presents_

OOOO

A/N: Yes, I did play Dirge of Cerberus but I didn't finish it. So if somebody wants to tell me how it ends I can work some funny thing in about Shelke, even Yuffie's age doesn't match up with the game.

Next chapter: Present two—Vincent gives Yuffie some driving lessons…drivers beware!


	2. Driving

Birthday Presents

By: TheMusicMistress

Short A/N: I just finished Dirge of Cerberus, and I noticed that Vincent talks _really slowly_. And he repeats words a few times! Gah! Poor Vincent. He DOES talk though, so I don't think it's very accurate to say all he does is "…".

_Tuesday_

Today I actually have a reason to get up because now I know Vincent has yet another scrumptious birthday present for me, which I'm very happy for.

On the other hand though, I am also very angry at him because I got a cold yesterday. He could've told me that he was going to freeze a lake. Or he could've at least been my pimp and bought me a large fur coat.

Wait, no fur coats. I love animals. Except squirrels. The squirrels eat all the cherries from Tifa's cherry tree and then I have to buy my own cherries from the store every summer.

I hate ants too. But I don't think that ants are animals.

Tifa glanced up at me when I came down the stairs. "So it is possible," she mused.

"What's possible?"

"For you to actually be alive at this hour."

I know, I surprised myself too. Vincent was better than ten cups of coffee though with a pinch of speed in it. He woke me right up!

"Are you hungry?" Tifa asked me.

"I want tacos," I told her.

"Tacos? Yuffie, that's a dinner food. Plus, we'd need cheese, ground beef, shells—"

"Pizza then."

"Cheese, Yuffie. How about pancakes?"

"Chicken casserole."

She glared at me with her arms crossed. "…Choco-Puffs? Hey, don't give me that face. You LOVE Choco-Puffs!"

I shot her a grumpy look and pulled myself into the stool at the bar. I laced my hands together. "Yeah, well Vinnie told me I would get fat if I kept eating them."

Tifa looked at me doubtfully. See, everybody still thought Vincent was a mime. Only I knew that Vincent could be quite a rude blabbermouth when he wanted to be.

"He said that?"

"Of course he did, Teefster! And Vincent never lies so—"

Tifa laughed. She was mixing together batter and eggs for pancakes, even though I'd resisted. "Of course Vincent lies. Men always lie. That's all they're good at." Then she paused in her stirring to think. "Well, other than fighting, of course. And sex…"

"Ew Tifa gross. I know Cloud is handsome but geez."

Tifa rolled her eyes at me. "Oh Yuffie, grow up," she said to me. "Who said I was talking about Cloud?"

I stuck out my tongue. "Urgh, I think this conversation is getting too scandalous for my tastes. Stop talking about all of your affairs before your sinfulness spills out onto the pancakes and makes them taste like fart hole."

"I thought you said you didn't want pancakes, hm?"

Tifa is my friend but she can also be a smug little bitch. Or um, with a glance at her chest, big bitch.

"I changed my mind."

Cloud walked down the stairs then, as dutifully silent and broody as he always is. I figured that if Avalanche ever wanted a quick victory we could just stick the enemies with Cloud and Vincent for a while and soon enough they'd die from boredom and lack of social interaction.

Although, at least Cloud doesn't have a smile defection like poor Vincent has. See, I know Cloud smiles because I've seen him do it when he's with Tifa, the kids, or even with me sometimes. His smile is really small and looks like a sliver-y little toothpick, but at least it's there. So therefore Cloud has an advantage over Vincent.

Vincent is dark and mysterious though, something Cloud can't duplicate because he's too busy fighting off the stereotype of being a dumb blonde. Sometimes I think he is pretty dumb. Like, why doesn't he ever tell Tifa that he hates her potato cake? I tell Tifa I hate most of her concoctions all of the time. But then she usually kicks me out of her bar. Maybe that's why. Cloud probably wouldn't get any sex.

My phone began to vibrate on my belt.

I flipped it open. "Devil's Doorstep, leave your soul at the…oh hey, Vinnie!"

"…"

"Ho ho, you like my new greeting? It's funny. It scares away the religious telegraphers. The sane ones, anyway."

"Come outside."

"What? You crazy, boy! I haven't eaten yet." I sneezed then and Tifa gasped. She waved a towel around in the air to blow the bacteria back into my face.

"I have food."

"Is it blood?" I winked at Tifa, who hilariously couldn't hear what Vincent was saying and was not in on our jokes. She just gave me a weird look as she began to cook the pancakes.

"…maybe."

"Eeaaugh. You didn't go to that Vietnamese place again, did you? I told you they don't cook the beef correctly…"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Tifa asked me as she flipped a pancake. Tifa was always a good pancake flipper. Even when she was looking at me she was able to keep it's shape.

"About how Valentine's a vampire," I told her.

"Stop taunting the man," she reprimanded me. Wow, already on her third pancake.

"She told me to stop taunting you," I relayed to Vincent.

"You should listen to her," he said to me.

"You should take me to the beach!"

"Yuffie…"

"Mrff! Sorry, can't hear you, there are pancakes in my ears!"

"…"

"I mean mouth!"

Then I hung up on him because I thought it was a funny thing to do.

"Did you even say goodbye?" Tifa asked me with an eyebrow raised. I shook my head.

"Usually he doesn't either, so sometimes I just don't do it either. It's a taste of his own medicine?"

Tifa was giving me a look as if she thought I would be the one to make Vincent insane. She was probably right.

She placed the plate of pancakes in front of me. I graciously said thanks and started to shove the food into my mouth, only half-thinking of what I was doing.

"…don't you like syrup on it?"

"Huh? Oh, heh, didn't even notice that…" Geez, Vincent always runs away with my brain. I think it's because he has such a sexy voice. And because I think he's secretly the god Adonis and he's come here to give little girls like me lots of pretty presents.

"Ok," I said after I finished my sixth pancake. "Well, I don't want to eat too much 'cause Vinnie brought some food for us! Or possibly just him, if it's blood."

"Blood?"

"Yes—" Suddenly I sneezed. "AH COW!" Oh darn, I had almost forgotten I had a cold. Man, now I had to bring a box of tissues with me…

Somebody behind me giggled. I turned around to see Denzel and Cloud watching me.

"The hell you looking at, crap face?"

"Yuffie!" Tifa snapped at me. Denzel just laughed and pointed at my face.

"Aunt Yuffie, you have snot."

"You are snot," I shot back. I grabbed a napkin off the counter and blew my nose.

"When did you get sick?" Cloud asked me, taking a seat at the bar.

"Esterday," I sniffled to him. "Vincent took me ass skating…"

Tifa and Cloud both exchanged looks while Denzel giggled over what I had just said.

"But anyway—because anyways isn't a word—I'm still going with him because today is present day number two. And it's going to be fun because he has blood."

Of course Tifa and Cloud didn't get what I was saying because they're not a very bright couple. Between Tifa's giant basoomas and Cloud's wig there just wasn't enough room for a brain. They were nice to me and great fighters though, so I never said anything bad to them about that.

"Thank you for the pancakes, Tifa," I said to show I really was sincere and was sorry for being mean. "I love all of you. So much. So much that I would give my kidney for you. Or my spleen because I don't know what that's used for. Don't eat toothpaste. And I'll be taking this." I grabbed the napkin dispenser off the counter, despite Tifa's protests.

Well, that was a good way to say goodbye, so I left after that.

Outside Vincent was leaning against the side of Barrett's beat up old truck, looking not the least bored at all. Really, I don't know how he puts up with me. As I walked closer I could see a bag of fast food and some soda in the car. Aw. Vincent swallowed his pride and went into a fast food restaurant for me!

"Yuffie," he said. Usually he just nods his head at people, but since Vincent liked me so much he actually said my name. He sorta has to though. I told him I would dye his cape pink if he didn't at least acknowledge me by name every day.

"That food…"

"….it's for us."

"Ok." On some days Vincent talked slower than normal. I don't know if that's because he thinks I'm partially retarded sometimes or just because he's just not use to saying a lot. Today might be one of the slow days, unfortunately.

"Hey Vince, why do you have Barrett's crummy truck? I thought he scrapped that thing."

Vincent was visibly pausing. Perhaps he was changing answers in his mind.

"It's time…"

See, I never interrupted when he talked like this because then he might forget what he was saying and just shut up completely.

"…somebody taught you how to drive."

Whoa, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

"Drive?! DRIVE? Vincent, that's dangerous! You know that I get motion sick in any sort of vehicle…"

Not really. It was just Cid's airplane. And Cid's cars. And actually, everything I ever got sick in had to do with Cid and his crappy driving. Maybe he was the planet's first astronaut, but I was always afraid that he'd go nuts with the spaceship and blow up our moon or something. I think no one has told him he is a bad driver though because nobody wants the boring job of having to stand at a pilot's wheel for hours at a time. Seriously, he never gets any action time.

"You're….seventeen," Vincent reminded me, bringing me back to earth.

"Fine," I said, because it was going to be his added gray hairs, not mine. And surely he'd get a few gray hairs from the way I knew I'd be driving. Hell, if I was bad enough he might look like Sephiroth.

He opened the driver's door for me like the true gentleman he was. I slid inside, the black leather feeling smooth underneath my bottom. I quickly threw myself across the seat and popped open his door.

"Thank you," he said to me. He sat down, and I could feel his weight on the other side of the car. I was too aware of it and I was suddenly very afraid that having him in the car with me would be worse than being drunk—he was too much of a distraction.

"So why are you the one doing this? Is it really my present?"

"Yes."

"Well, then, I'm sincerely sorry because this day is going to suck for both of us."

He simply nodded. Ah, at least he didn't rub it in my face.

I grabbed a few fries in from the bag and started eating them rather slowly, stalling for time. He waited. I took long, unnecessary sips from the soda and he didn't say a thing. Maybe he hibernated while I did stupid stuff. That would explain why he never gets impatient with me.

"Buckle…up," he finally told me, very slowly, after I had finished eating what I didn't really need to eat.

I grinned. "Hey, I never pictured you to err on the side of safety…"

He gave me a look. "With you…"

"Oh, ok. I get it." I quickly buckled up and waited for further instructions.

He handed me the keys. "Put the keys into the ignition."

I did.

"Turn it."

"Turn it which way?"

"It only turns one way."

"_Which is?_"

"Clockwise."

He was watching me carefully and I was fidgeting like a moron.

"Yeah, I never understood what that meant."

Suddenly his hand was atop mine, which was firmly gripping the key and fruitlessly jiggling it back and forth. He gave my hand a gentle squeeze, guiding it in the right direction, which was toward the front of the car.

"It's jammed," he said. He slid closer to me on the seat and gently removed my hand from the key. I let him, of course. Frankly I hated that key.

"Put your foot on the brake," he told me.

I did.

"No, Yuffie…..

"….that's the gas."

I chuckled in embarrassment. "Whoops. That would've been bad."

"Yes, it would've." He said. He was leaning awfully close to me at the moment and I felt like opening my door and running outside. He did that to me a lot. I was fine with him around and all, but when he got up close to me I got incredibly nervous. He was so handsome and overbearing that it scared me.

"Is it working?"

From the nasty, screeching noises coming from the truck, I don't think so.

Vincent finally stopped jiggling the key, which I was glad for because I think he was about to snap it in half. He slowly turned his head to face me, which was so close to my face that his nose brushed my cheek. Really, why did he do that? Lately he didn't seem to understand the concept of personal space.

"….excuse me," he muttered, and he slid himself out of the truck. He walked around to the front of truck and popped the top open. Nothing happened for a moment…and then I heard a loud thump that made the whole car shake. I bounced around in my chair like a pogo stick.

He quietly slid back into his seat and closed the door as if nothing had happened. "Try it…again," he encouraged.

"Valentine, did you just hit the engine?"

He gave me one of those blood-red stares.

"I'll take that as a yes." Apparently Mr. Valentine was sensitive because I guess he didn't know how to fix a car, which made sense because he was a vampire and flew himself around.

I turned the keys and a magical thing happened. With a loud pop that sounded like a fart the engine came to life, and suddenly the car was rumbling beneath my fingers.

Suddenly I was aware that this was a very big truck, and that I was very afraid of crashing this very big truck into a very big wall.

"I can't do this," I blurted to Vincent. "Really, Vinnie, I'm really nervous."

He watched me gently. "You'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"I give you my word."

"Will you protect me if I crash the car?"

He paused for a moment before uttering a soft, "of course".

"Okey-dokey then. I guess we should get moving then…um…"

"Put the car in 'D'".

"What? The letters are all scratched up…"

Oh boy. This was _not _going to be an easy day…

OOOO

"Put your foot on the ga—"

I floored the pedal and we shot forward, nearly hitting the side of a house.

"—_gently,_" he said to me, and his painful grip around my bare thigh caused me to take my foot off the gas completely. I chanced a look at him.

"Erm, that's not a gray hair, is it, Vinnie?"

OOOO

So after I nearly killed us Vincent remembered that he was suppose to teach me all of the controls of the car (which ones were left anyway, the car was so old).

"What's this?"

"The A/C."

"And this?"

"The windshield wipers." They squeaked.

"And this?" I pushed down on the windshield wiper. A giant stream of water shot out of the hood of the car. Unfortunately Vincent had no passenger window so he got sprayed in the face.

He spit some water out, which kinda looked green. "The—"

"Water?"

"Yes."

"Sorry, Vinnie."

OOOO

"Now, _slowly_ pull away from the curb."

I put the car in 'R' and the car rolled forward, bumping Tifa's new car.

"Yuffie, put it in R."

"I did!"

"That's D."

"Oh. Well, they look the same."

"…"

"Vince, the crazy man across the street hit her car, OK?"

OOOO

"Yuffie!"

"Gah! Don't yell like that! I'm trying to concentrate on driving, Vin—"

"You're driving…."

"….on the wrong side of the road."

"AH! WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING SOONER!" And I was wondering why the hell everybody else was turned around.

OOOO

"You can drive….faster than this…."

I frowned, wanting to glare at Vincent but too afraid to take my eyes off the road.

"My speed is perfectly fine."

"Ten miles an hour?"

"Hey, don't be a backseat driver. You should be grateful for this speed after I almost killed us this morning."

"I think the cars behind you are getting angry…"

True, the cars were honking. I hung my head out the window. "JACK ASSES! JUST GO AROUND YOU PANSIES!"

I didn't hear what Vincent said when he coughed, but it sounded suspiciously like 'Cid'.

OOOO

"Why couldn't I just learn with Cloud's motorcycle?"

He didn't answer me, but that was OK because we both knew the answer. One, Cloud would never let me touch his motorcycle because he knows I'd crash it or sell it on the black market. Two, I couldn't even handle driving a crummy old truck, much less drive down a highway on a cannon on wheels.

See I paid attention in school. My teacher always used to call a motorcycle a cannon because if you fell off it'd be the same thing as shooting yourself from a cannon like a cannonball! Ow.

So at the moment we were practicing regular parking. The only problem was that every time I tried to pull into a parking spot I'd end up sprawling across three. I had managed to navigate out of the town and into a more deserted area with a bunch of abandoned buildings. (Well actually Vincent navigated most of the time because I kept twitching on the wheel and making it zig zag).

"Try Mr. Karmore," he told me. We were outside of an old newspaper building, and each parking spot had a name to it. I'd tried to park in his secretary's, Ms. Reigna's spot, but I could never quite pull myself in.

I tried. I backed up in a squiggly line and tried to get into his spot. I landed diagonally into the disabled area, which by then I believed was where I belonged.

"I'm going to ride a bicycle for the rest of my life," I told him. "Or maybe even those dorky Segways or whatever they're called that those old people use. They go, what, seven miles an hour?"

"You're getting better," Vincent said. "Two spots instead of three this time."

I guess Vincent was right. I wasn't _as _crooked as I normally would've been.

"What're we doing now, Vinnie?"

"…parallel parking."

OOOO

So for some reason when Vincent tells me to parallel park I'm able to park regularly. I think I was born with a reverse psychological…something. Whatever it is, now I keep parking perpendicular to what I'm really suppose to be doing. I already ran up the curb on accident.

"Parallel park next to that structure."

I squinted. "What, that one? The—" I strained to read, "the electric generator?"

Already Vincent looked a little queasy. He had ten gray hairs and I just didn't want to tell him that. I was afraid he'd strangle me.

"Yes."

"OK…"

I tried to park and found myself looming dangerously close to the generator.

"Yuffie." His hand was over mine, stopping me before I cruised through and electrocuted us both. "How about we rest for now?"

I smiled at him. "That'd be really nice, Vinnie."

OOOO

"Ah choo! Ah choo! Ah choo!"

Vincent glanced up from his cup of coffee to survey me. I blew my nose into the napkin dispenser, courtesy of Tifa.

"Are you sick?"

I gave him a What-Do-You-Think look. "I hope you're being sarcastic. Because yes, I am. And you made me sick!"

"You didn't sneeze in the car," he noted.

I frowned at him. "Vincent, I was so nervous the sneezes were trapped. But now that I'm drinking hot chocolate and I'm safe, they're shooting out like a machine gun. And I _know _that you know how fast a machine gun shoots."

"Very fast."

"Exactly." I sniffled then let out another round of sneezes.

He was staring at me as if wondering how much snot could come out of such a small body. I was starting to wonder that myself. Maybe my insides had all melted into mucous and I was sneezing out my guts and didn't even realize it.

"Do andeways…"

His nose scrunched.

"Don't daugh at me, Indent."

"….did you just call me Indent?"

Great, my nose gets stuffy and he makes fun of me.

"Di hope dour balls pall op."

"…"

Shiva, it was so obvious he was trying not to smile.

"Do it. Lapf. I dare doo."

He cleared his throat. "I think we should be getting going, Yuffie."

I blew my nose again and it cleared up.

"No! I like this café. Hey, what's that look for? Don't tell me you **like **it when I sound like that. Urgh, Vincent."

"…"

A boy walked by our table and dropped a paper in front of me. I glanced up and he smiled at me as he walked away.

"Huh?"

I opened the paper up.

Vincent was staring at me. I rolled my eyes.

"You know if you're so curious you can just ask, Vinnie. It's a phone number. His, I hope."

"_You hope?_"

"Hey, don't look at me like that. I mean, I hope he didn't give me some number like his crazy uncle's. You know, as a prank. Stop staring at me, gawd. I'm not interested."

"I don't know why he gave this to me," I continued to mutter. "I've been blowing my nose this whole time…hey, where are you going?"

Vincent stood up from the table and gave me a curt nod. "To get another cup of coffee."

"OK…"

He disappeared.

Three minutes later the boy scurried by and took back the paper in my hand.

And when Vincent came back, his nose was scrunched.

OOOO

Yes, I do think that Vincent scared that boy off. Sometimes I think he gets jealous when other boys do that to me, but I can never be sure. He _is _Vincent Valentine, after all, the man who shows no emotion. No matter what's happening, he doesn't smile, or frown, or do anything else other than stand there. Maybe that's why he's so hard to deal with.

I didn't want to confront him about it though because he was nice enough to drive me home instead of forcing me to do it myself.

I think I dozed off in the car, because the next thing I remember was being carried into Tifa's bar.

The noise and hubbub of the bar made me twitch and jolt half-awake, but Vincent pulled me close to his chest to shush me.

I heard boots tapping on the floor, coming toward us.

"Is she alright?" Tifa's voice sounded dim as it mixed with the bar music and clinking of drinks.

"She's tired," Vincent said.

"Cloud?" Tifa called.

I felt a light hand on my head. "I can take her," I heard Cloud offer.

I felt Vincent shift, but his grip on me didn't change. "It's alright. I can take her up myself."

"Alright. Just watch her head…"

Vincent was very quiet when he walked up the stairs, even with his metal boots.

He quietly slid into my open room, never once bumping or jostling me around.

I felt the softness of the bed beneath me, and then his human hand pushing hair strands away from my face. He removed his hand, but he didn't move from his seat on my bed. I couldn't tell if he was watching me or staring off into space and I was afraid my eyelids were twitching as I forced them to stay closed. I knew if I suddenly jumped awake he'd withdraw himself and leave.

He sat on my bed for a long time, and I was too terrified to peek a look at him to know what he was doing. I just know that he was there, his cologne wafting into my bedroom and his body weighing down my bed.

"Yuffie…"

I shifted slightly, still hovering between conscious and not.

"….I'm confused."

I let out a small hum in my sleep. Confused? Why be confused, Vincent?

"…because…"

He let out a soft sigh, and I heard his clothes rustle. His warm breath fanned over my cheek as he whispered, "You did well, Yuffie."

And with that he left.

-_Birthday Presents (2) _

OOOO

A/N: This was basically for laughs, with an attempt at a sweeter ending. Trust me, there will be serious chapters, and I anticipate the next one will be. Vincent brings up some issues about Lucrecia and…well, I'm not sure yet. Ha ha.

Oh, and half of the stuff that Yuffie did while driving I did too. I was really bad to begin with. I never drove on the wrong side of the road, but I definitely gave my mom a lot of gray hairs.


	3. Love

Birthday Presents

By: TheMusicMistress

OOOO

_Wednesday_

"Tifa, how did you know you loved Cloud?"

Tifa looked up from cleaning the bar, which she happened to be doing a lot more than necessary. Usually Tifa was never one to have emotional problems, but when she did, it was obvious. Like now. She was taking the lacquer off of the counter and that kinda bothered me because I was the one that was forced to paint it one whole Saturday.

She sighed and tossed the dishrag into the sink. "That's a really difficult question to answer, Yuffie."

"Why should it be difficult?"

"Because with men like Cloud it's hard to know where 'friend' ends and 'love' begins. Not to mention the 'friends-with-benefits' stage in between."

I wore a contemplative expression as I swirled around the lukewarm cocoa in my cup. Originally I had only come downstairs to take a leak since Cloud was occupying the upper for like half an hour, but then I found Tifa awake, moving around like she was agitated or upset or something. So I ended up fighting off sleepiness and sitting down to just comfort her with my presence. As comforting as I can be, anyway. I think I make a lot of noise.

"Does that count for men like Vincent, too?" Hopefully I didn't sound as obvious as I thought I did. Tifa was in such a funk though that she didn't even notice my blatant insinuation.

"Probably. They're both quiet and stuff. They're both silent when it comes to admitting feelings," she grumbled.

I thought about this.

"No, I think there's a difference. I think Cloud is just shy. But Vincent…I think Vincent isn't introverted at all. I think he just _chooses_ not to interact with others."

"But they still can't talk about their feelings," Tifa pressed.

I knew I was suppose to be down here to comfort her and not in all agree with anything pessimistic she said (that makes it worse), but against my will I did end up agreeing.

"See, I told you."

"Maybe you should talk to Cloud. Erm, later anyway. I think he's constipated or something. He's been in the bathroom for forever."

"Maybe later."

"Hey Tifa?"

Now she was scrubbing some already clean cups raw. What a waste of soap.

"Yes?"

"Do you want to talk?"

"…no, not at the moment. Thank you for offering though."

"Uh-huh. Hey, I can make you breakfast if you like…"

Tifa gave me a look. "You? Cook?"

I hoped I looked indignant because I certainly felt it. "Yes, pancake lady. I can cook. How do you think I took care of myself at home? My pops can't cook for crap and my old babysitter did nothing but watch TV and eat all of our cookies without permission. So, I'm the cook."

"What're you going to cook?"

"What do you want?"

Tifa smiled. "Something _exotic_."

"OK, but beware because most of our foods are pretty spicy…"

"I think I can handle it."

OOOO

"HOLY SHIT!"

Tifa spat out my curry, spraying the countertop with it's yellowy goodness. I cringed with wooden soup spoon in hand and quickly grabbed a napkin to wipe it up.

"I told you...hey, are you OK?"

"I'm fine," Tifa wheezed. I looked at her doubtfully. She looked red—really red. Like, she was about to turn into a volcano red.

"Do you want me to make a new batch?" I asked cautiously. Holy crud, I didn't mean to almost kill her. Really, she looked about to faint.

But she put up her hand and shook her head. "No," she said. "No. I kind of like it. It's…new."

And then I realized that maybe that was Tifa's problem. Did she feel like she was tiring of Cloud? Now that I reflected on it, I realized that maybe I would get tired too. Cloud was an awfully wishy-washy person, and every time I saw him he seemed balanced between treating Tifa like a friend and something more. Most of the time he just acted like a very reliable brother. Rarely, if ever, did he show over-the-top affection.

I sighed.

"Well, don't take too much at a time, then." Who was I to tell her she couldn't try something new? I really liked Cloud and Tifa, but if Tifa wanted to go in a new direction I didn't really have the authority to stop her.

"Yuffie, are _you_ OK?"

"I'm fine."

Not really.

Tifa glanced at the clock. "Is Vincent here?"

"I don't know." I sighed. I had been hoping this wasn't going to happen. See, even though we hung out together almost on a daily basis, it wasn't exactly everyday. Because there were some days where he wandered off and went to that stinky cave and stared at Lucrecia the Popsicle. And unfortunately, since he was running a lot later than normal, today seemed to be one of those days.

Tifa got up from her stool and walked over the window. She checked behind the curtains. "Nobody," she told me.

I took my used saucepan and set it into the sink. "It's fine."

"Yuffie…"

"I said it's fine. We're just friends. It's OK if he's still…hung up…on…some…dead…bitch."

Tifa actually chuckled. Hey, usually she argues with me tooth and nail about the virtues of love and treating others with respect, but since she was down in the dumps she happened to be as cynical as I was. I think I liked her this way.

"Well, why don't you go take a shower and get changed? Maybe he'll come then."

"Yeah, maybe. I just hope Cloud didn't let off some atomic shit or something in that bathroom because then I might die."

Tifa smiled. "He did eat some tacos last night…"

"Egad. Stop that."

OOOO

I wasn't really sure if I should take a long shower or not. If I took a short shower I'd be downstairs sooner and we would be able to leave earlier. If I took a long shower, he'd end up waiting, and although he had a lot of patience I hated to do that to him.

Of course, that was all under the assumption that he showed up at all.

So I took a seven minute shower because that seemed to be a moderate number.

"Is he here?" I asked Tifa, after wobbling down the stairs in just a towel because I couldn't help myself but just ask.

Tifa made a clucking sound. "You're getting the stairs wet! And no, he's not here."

"Well, you're taking the paint off the counter!" I snapped, and stomped upstairs. Instantly I felt bad. Really, it wasn't my place to take my annoyance out on Tifa. She was already down in the dumps. It wasn't her fault Vincent was obsessed with some woman who wrapped her hair up in what looked like blue toilet paper.

Out of spite I took my time changing, even though I knew he wasn't going to show. I even bothered to put on some eyeliner and blush, which I normally didn't even attempt to do. I clipped my hair up with a Wutainese pin. Afterwards I traveled my hand across my ears, which were smooth and unmarred. I sighed.

"Hey Marlene," I said when I emerged from my room. She was crouched on the stairs and watching Denzel clean tables with Tifa. Geez, he was going to develop some weird germophobia like Tifa if he didn't watch it.

Marlene was watching Denzel with the same obsessiveness that I had for Vincent. Even though they were considered brother and sister by most, it was obvious that she had a giant crush on him.

"Hey, kiddo," I whispered, taking my seat next to her. She turned to me with a startled gasp, so enraptured with oogling Denzel that she hadn't even noticed me. She blushed and did some erratic movements with her hands, her mouth opening and closing. I simply patted her head while she went through a variety of seizures over being caught.

"He is cute," I admitted, when she'd finally calmed down. She had sunken into subdued silence, and was resting against my shoulder tiredly. "I mean, you know, if I was like…ten years younger, well then, wowie, you'd have some competition. I was a pretty tough um…" I counted my fingers. "…seven-year-old."

"Auntie Yuffie," Marlene wailed quietly. "I wish I was like you."

"Trust me, being me isn't all that great. The pressure to remain ever great and sneaky really wears on my—"

"Aw, stop it Auntie. Why do you always do that?"

I was surprised. "Do what?"

"Act like nothing ever bothers you. Don't you ever feel…sad?"

Kid, you have no idea.

"Sometimes," I admitted, starting to feel as depressed as she was. Gosh, everybody in the house seemed to have a cloud hanging over their head—except, I assume, Cloud, pun not intended. I don't even know what puns are.

"—I want to be brave, like you, " Marlene was saying. Why did I feel so out of it all of a sudden? Did I just realize that while Tifa and Marlene commiserated over their shaky relationships, I didn't even think Vincent and I had a relationship at all? I thought we were making significant progress what with the hugs and quiet moments where he sat on my bed for half an hour while I slept…but apparently not.

Because he wasn't here.

I don't know if I wanted to know where he really was.

I glanced at Marlene, who looked more distressed than any eight-year-old should look. I smiled crookedly and gave her a hug.

"Marlene, just spend all the time you can with him, OK?"

"But—"

Geez, she was thinking way too much about this.

"No buts," I commanded. "Or armpits." And I tried to tickle her, making her squeal with delight. Denzel's head shot up from his duties. For a second Denzel's and Marlene's eyes met, and suddenly Denzel was as red as a tomato. He quickly looked away, his movements more flurried now.

Heh heh. Cripes, how I wished I was young again.

I left the bar after talking with Tifa a bit and mercilessly teasing Denzel and Marlene. Cloud…well, I didn't know where Cloud was. Probably wandering around that old church again.

"If I was a vampire hung up on my lovely popsicle lady, where would I go?"

I borrowed Tifa's chocobo for myself because I didn't want to use the car and possibly run it over a cliff. Tifa's chocobo was kinda fat because Denzel and Marlene fed it when they were bored, which was almost all the time. So it gave me plenty of time to think while the chocobo loped slowly along.

Geez, I had to wonder how Vincent use to make the trek out to that cave. It's far; well, at least when you're on an overweight chocobo it feels like it's across the ocean. I thought I was getting lost too, so that was definitely causing me a lot of time.

By the time I got to the cave it was a little past noon and I was starving. I know I was taught never to say that because there were people out there that were really starving and as a spoilt little princess I had no idea what starvation meant but that didn't mean I couldn't use it in a proverbial sense. Whew.

"Vinnie?" I called outside the cave. I didn't really like going in there. Last time I went in I was attacked by this flock of rabid bats. Or whatever you call a group of bats. A gaggle of bats. A finagle of bats. Is finagle even a word?

If I were a positive person, I'd say that at least if there were bats then I'd have something to eat. Because some weird Wutainians really make a bat stew and bat skewers. Not that I'd ever tried it though because I fear getting a bat wing permanently lodged in my throat or forever floating around in my stomach acids like a boat lost at sea.

"Vinnie?"

I got no answer. See, that was the problem with Vincent. He never answered, whether or not he was in there. Of course, if I started to scream and fake some gun shot sounds he might come running out.

My screaming scared away all the jays in the trees and my farty-fake gun shots attracted some mosquitoes, which were generous enough to bestow me with itchy little bumps. I was itchy and very alone. Vincent didn't come out.

"Jerk," I grumbled, scratching my neck in agitation. Who created mosquitoes anyway? Why did we need them? To feed the frogs? Why the hell did we need frogs? "I hope the only reason he didn't come out is because he's tied up with the finagle of bats."

I cautiously crept into the cave, walking sideways like a crab. I could see the end of the tunnel where Lucrecia slept in her glowing ice bed, and I thought rather creatively that she'd make an excellent night light. You know, to market to little kids. Except I wouldn't really cut her up so she could be plugged into bunny-printed walls everywhere. That's gross.

"Vincent?" I called. Where was he?

I ran around the cave to try and catch the scent of his cologne, despite my earlier fears of alerting the bats. I even risked looking ridiculous in front of Lucrecia—hey, I never understood if she was fully dead in there or not—by hopping around the alcove, thinking that maybe the cologne floated higher up in the air. Somehow I felt like Lucrecia was smirking at my stupidity.

See, Vinnie? See the kind of things that you make me do?

"Vincent?" I hollered again, even though by then I realized it was useless. He wasn't here. I even waded in that weird water around the crystal to check if he was, oh I don't know, floating in the two foot deep water somewhere.

I stopped my efforts, feeling a thin sheet of sweat breaking out across my forehead. I swear, the cave felt so much bigger when it was being thoroughly perused for a hiding Valentine.

"Hey, you," I said to the popsicle, catching her watching me…sorta. "What you lookin' at?"

She didn't answer, which I guess was a good thing. I didn't want to suddenly make Lucrecia angry. She might seal me in the cave with her forever. And Bahamut only knows she wouldn't exactly provide the best company. Talk about a lot of one-sided conversations.

"What's so great about you, anyway?" I called to her. Should I yell? I didn't know how thick that ice was. Or was it glass? I felt like I was at a fast food restaurant trying to order into the speaker box, except here there was no yummy food and it smelled heavily of bat shit. I wonder if Vincent came and sat around here with nose plugs.

I ended up sorta yelling.

"You shouldn't have done that to Vinnie. Used him like that. I think he use to be a nice guy before he met you." I looked her up and down. How old was she supposed to be? She had to be in her twenties, since Vincent himself looked to be twenty-seven. I never really asked him his age—surprising, since I attempted to nose about in everything else that was his business. His age was just a taboo subject.

"Well you know what?" I said, feeling a little crazed for talking to her like that. I was like those men that wandered the streets talking to telephone poles. Except, to her credit, Lucrecia was probably a little step above being a telephone pole. "He's not going to be hung up on you forever. Because…"

I fought to find the right words. "Because even though…

"…even though you're prettier and older…sometimes I think…that Vinnie likes me. And if he likes me…well, I'm not going to do to him what you did."

And then I stuck my tongue out at her.

I stomped out of the cave, feeling agitated and relieved at the same time. At least he wasn't moping over her here. But on the downside, I just traveled all the way out to this cave for nothing. Oh, did I mention that this cave also happened to be on top of a waterfall?

I had to chase down my obese chocobo because it had attempted to get away. Catching him took about one second. So with my exercise for the day taken out of the way, I slowly led him down the side of the waterfall, intent on searching for Vincent elsewhere.

"Bye, popsicle!"

OOOO

Everybody should probably know right now that Vincent's mansion is creepy. He doesn't exactly try to keep it hospitable, so when I snuck into the first floor, I landed onto a very dusty floor and accidentally stepped on a dead rat. And when I tried to climb the stairs I fell through the boards.

I guess my thump was loud enough to wake the dead, because somewhere, dimly, I heard wine glass being put down and a gun click.

If I was lucky, it would be Vincent.

If I was unlucky, it would be Vincent, because I just broke three of his steps.

"Oh, hey Vincent," I said, from my awkward position on the floor. I had been planning this whole angry speech to him: about how he didn't come to get me, about why he was too hung up on a dead chick, and how I knew we were friends but sometimes I wished we were more. But when you're lying on someone's floor after breaking in and you just snapped some of their stairs in half…well, you have to act in a little more placating manner.

"I've been looking for you."

Vincent arched his brow at me and holstered his gun. He easily jumped the rest of the way down, completely flying over the broken steps. The few times I had attempted that in my life had ended me up on the floor…much like I was now.

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh, you know, just having some good, old-fashioned stair snapping. Hey, is finagle a word?" Was it too obvious that I was trying to stop the conversation that I knew would be coming soon?

"Finagle?"

"Yeah. Like, a finagle of bats."

"Finagle is when you wheedle someone."

"Weedle? Like the Pokemon?"

"What?"

"Never mind. Hey, I've been looking for you."

"Do you need help?" He was giving me a funny look. He always gives me a funny look when I'm lying on the ground. When I was young I thought that men always caught you before you fell, and if they were too late they would quickly help you up and kiss your boo boo. I'd learned though with men like Cloud, Vincent, and Cid that the best they would do is just jerk you back up and slap your back so hard it stung.

"….doesn't that hurt?" he asked me after a while. Vincent isn't the kind of person that instantly tries to pick you up and comfort you, but you know, if you lie there long enough eventually he does something.

"A little. Your floor is kinda hard."

He glanced out the window, where I could see the fat chocobo loping around.

"I didn't tie him up but don't worry, he won't get far."

He held his hand out to me and I placed mine in his. He has really big hands, but they're not bulky like Barrett's. His are thin and long, even longer than Cloud's. Really, he'd be a big hit at Halloween if he'd just consent to wearing some makeup and a costume.

Hey, wasn't I supposed to be pissed at him?

"I'm pissed at you."

"I apologize."

"What? You're not supposed to apologize!"

"I—"

"Don't say you apologize because then we'll just be going on forever."

So Vincent just stood there, staring at me. I sighed and sat down on the bottom step of his stairs. Mercifully it did not snap inward and impale my ass.

"Why didn't you show up this morning?"

He didn't answer.

I sighed.

"I looked for you in Lucrecia's cave," I said, trying to keep my tone conversational. I didn't want to sound accusing. Or melancholic. "I thought you'd be there, and I looked everywhere. Heh, I even waded into the w—"

"I told you I do not frequent there anymore," Vincent whispered softly. He moved his long, lanky legs and sat himself on the ground close to my hip, stretching his body out before him. Even though he was rather large and un-cuddly looking, I really, really wanted to hug him then.

"I know, but you could've been—hey, don't stare like that—lying to me. And I know you usually don't lie about things, but I know that you also probably do little white lies….to save my feelings….and stuff…"

He glanced up me. I need to note that since he's rather tall, and because he was sitting really close to me, his face was almost level with mine, and less than a foot away. "And how do you feel about me visiting Lucrecia."

Urk. I had been wanting to avoid this. Or at the very least, I didn't want to have this conversation with him so close to me that I couldn't think.

"I—" I falsely started. I bit my lip, glancing out the window. Not even the chubby chocobo was wandering around outside to provide me with a plausible distraction. I knew this was my chance to finally tell him I had a crush on him but at the same time I didn't want to anger him with my answer so…

"I couldn't care less," I blurted.

"Hm."

He turned away from me, resting his arm on his bent leg. When he wasn't looking I made a terrible face and bit the inside of my cheek. Coward! Fraud! Weasel! God, he was right there and all I had to say was that no, I definitely didn't feel comfortable with him constantly visiting her. But instead I practically gave him consent.

"Where are you going?" I asked, because Vincent had stood up and was glancing around his house.

"To Lucrecia's cave," he said quietly.

My stomach lurched.

He glanced back at me.

"…since it doesn't seem to bother you."

He started to walk away from me.

Oh darn it.

It does bother me, Vincent.

It bothers me a lot because…

….because I want you to look at me like that instead.

"Yuffie?" Vincent asked. He had stopped walking, and I realized I may or may not have just uttered that out loud.

"Huh?" I asked dumbly. I wanted to smile, but I couldn't do it. Instead I ended up standing, worrying my lower lip and waiting for him to speak.

"What did you say?"

"I…"

He stepped closer.

"It does…bother me."

"Yuffie, you're whispering," he said softly.

I clenched my eyes shut. "It bothers me!" I yelled. "I don't want you to go visit her! I want you—" I was suppose to complete that sentence then, but suddenly I couldn't remember what was suppose to come next. I trailed off. "I want you…"

I crumpled to the ground then, because I was so nervous about his answer that I couldn't even get my legs to work and support myself.

Vincent crouched in front of me and I sniffled.

"Yuffie…"

"Please don't leave."

"….I'm not going anywhere."

When he reached out for me I launched myself into his arms and started to smack the crap out of him.

"You!" I cried, and I really was crying. "Why didn't you show up! I was so goddamn worried!"

He wasn't even trying to parry my attacks. Gosh, he acted like such a vegetable sometimes. He was absolutely no fun to fight with at all. Remind me to arm wrestle with him later and see if he even tries.

"I was…" he glanced off to the side, even as I smacked him on the head. "…preparing your gift."

I stopped beating him up. He was lying on the ground, spread out like an eagle. I sat on his waist, dribbling tears and snot and feeling ridiculous for attacking him like that. When I heard his answer, I let out a hiccup, a sob, and fell forward onto his chest.

We didn't move for a while, with him just lying there and me in an uncomfortable position with my back bent like a U. Vincent, despite looking like a vampire, was very warm to be close to, and I started to lull off to sleep without even realizing it.

I felt his claw on my head, patting it like I did with Marlene.

"I apologize," he murmured. "Because…"

"…because I can't seem to keep you from crying."

I sniffled. "Sh'ok."

"Yuffie."

"Wut."

He did something funny to my hair then, like he was trying to decide whether to just pat my head or stroke it, and ended up doing a little something in between, which was rubbing my head in a circle and giving me tangles.

"You look…lovely."

I remembered how I'd taken the extra time to pin up my hair and put on makeup. Oh geez, the makeup. How did I look? I was pretty sure all the eyeliner and mascara had run down my eyes like black waterfalls by now.

"Thank you," I said, because even though I probably looked ghoulish now, it was still charming to hear Vincent Valentine give a compliment. It was always nice because he was an altruistic man who used words like 'lovely' and 'enchanting'.

"Valentine?"

"Yes, Kisaragi?"

"I can pay for those steps."

He scrunched his nose. "Seeing you like this is payment enough."

Whoa. Did Vincent just…? Even though I was pretty sure that he just blatantly flirted with me, I still didn't want to suddenly look all blubbery and helpless. So I gave him a goofy smile and tried to tickle his sides.

"No, really, you need to fix those stairs. And dust. And probably get some serious rodent control."

"The rats? I leave them cheese, sometimes."

"YOU FEED THEM CHEESE? Oh, speaking of cheese, I'm really hungry, Valentine."

"…we can go out to eat, if you like."

Go out to eat? With Vincent? As in go to a restaurant with Vincent? As in eat food with Vincent at an actual prettyful place? Oh geez oh poo oh gosh.

"Yuffie, are you alright? You're twitching a lot."

"Huh? Oh, um, I'm fine. Yeah, dinner would be nice."

Then I laid back down on his chest.

"Your present is upstairs," he commented after a while. He didn't seem to be bothered in the least that I was lying on top of him and probably cutting off some circulation in certain places.

"Is it a wax statue of me?"

"Probably not."

I rested my ear against his heartbeat. It's tempo was slow and it's sound was deep. It was comforting.

"I think I can get it later."

"Would you like to eat now?"

"…I think we can do that later, too."

Vincent's other hand wrapped around my small shoulder. I felt his chin atop my head.

I didn't think Vincent enjoyed lying on the musty ground with me on top of him, but he nodded.

I sighed against his chest.

I think I was starting to fall in love with him.

-_Birthday Presents (3)_

OOOO

A/N: I don't know how old Marlene is. Or Denzel. This story is set a few months after the defeat of Sephiroth, so that's why Yuffie is so young. I guess I could've looked up how old Marlene is but…does it really matter? Ha ha, not really.

Gah, I'm sorry this took so long. I'm just a really, really lazy person. I need somebody to stand over me with a megaphone and yell at me about deadlines and to get crackin!

This chapter was more of a fluff, and you don't even find out what the present is. Well, you do in the next chapter. Next chapter is action-packed!


	4. Run

Birthday Presents

By: TheMusicMistress

A/N: Ah! I'm alive. Sorry. Been busy. Here's the fourth installment of BP!

OOOO

_Wednesday Evening_

"Vincent, do you enjoy Valentine's Day?"

Vincent blinked.

"Why do you ask?"

"Because," I said, fingering the piece of complementary bread that the restaurant gave us. It was brown and crunchy. "Your last name is Valentine."

Vincent stared at me for a long while like he usually does, and then finally said, "Just because the name's the same doesn't mean that I enjoy it."

"So that's a no, then."

Vincent didn't grace me with an answer.

"I like Valentine's Day," I pressed. "I get chocolate. And sometimes if I'm lucky I'll get those special shiny boxes from the candy store on the corner by Tifa's bar and you know how they have the varieties chocolates…oh, and there's the lollipops and laffy taffy and stuff too…"

Vincent slowly put down his wine cup. "I figured as much," he said softly. Vincent always had a way of making his voice carry across the room even though I was sure he spoke softer than anyone else I knew.

"Figured what?"

"That the one thing that would make a holiday worthwhile for you would be that you received sweets."

I clapped my hands. "Oh, good boy! Long sentence!" I gave him a cheeky smile when he smirked at me. "So, what's wrong with that?" I finally said. "The only good thing about Valentine's Day _is _the candy."

Vincent's expression grew—excuse me, _always_ was—somber. "You're too young to say that. "

I frowned at him like I would frown at my father when he'd try to lecture me for an hour. "I'm not young. And who are you to say that? You hate it too. Don't tell me that there's something more about Valentine's Day beside the food."

We both knew what he should say but we also both knew he'd probably never say it.

"Anyway," I said, clapping my hands free of crumbs, a signal that I wanted a subject change. Vincent, I'd have to face, would never explicitly say the things I wanted him to say. "Where's that waitress? You know, I think my calamari is poisoned. I feel like I have a shitload of ga—"

"Do you hate Valentine's Day because you have been rejected in the past? "

I stiffened. Why did he have to interrupt me like that? I mean sure, I'd probably do that to myself to stop myself from talking about my constipation, but hey, he didn't have to be so brusque.

"Have you?" I countered.

And Vincent actually gave me a half glower, half are-you-retarded look. "You could say that," he said coolly.

I bit my lip. "Sorry."

"It's fine, Yuffie."

"It's not that I _hate_ Valentine's Day," I backtracked. "It's just that…well, OK fine I hate it. I just don't like seeing everybody get all lovey dovey. Yeck. Even Cid becomes a regular Casanova and we both know what nasty things that could lead to. You know a reindeer dies every time that man is naked, right? "

"He would probably say that about you. "

"No, I've got dibs on groundhogs."

"…"

The waitress came by and asked how we were doing.

"I think the calamari is bad," I said to her. The waitress, a young blonde with gray eyes, glanced down at the calamari and back to my face.

"Are you sure?"

I blinked at her a few times. "What? Of course I'm sure. I'm telling you, because of the calamari I have to let out the biggest fa—"

"She's mad about Valentine's Day and insists on taking it out on innocent waitresses and the _delicious_ food."

"Oh…" The waitress nodded knowingly at Valentine, who was getting comfy in his booth and looking too smug for a man who was supposed to have no emotions. I, on the other hand, was pretty sure that I looked like how somebody would look if they were slapped in the face with a dragon's left testicle.

She left without taking my calamari back, the damn brainwashed harpie.

"How could you, Valentine?" I sputtered. "Cat eater! Gnome kicker! Cat dookie eater!"

"So who rejected you?"

"Nosy drunk!"

"Yuffie, that's enough."

"Gay thumb-twiddler!"

"Thumb-twiddler?"

I sank back into my seat once I realized I'd been inching toward his face like I was berserk. "The calamari is bad," I repeated for lack of better things to say. It really was bad—too salty. I had a way of blowing things out of proportion though. Maybe that's why Vincent had a hard time imagining being more than friends with me. I sure was a drama queen.

"Anyway," I sputtered, not liking how Vincent had contented himself with staring me into a nerveless amoeba until he got his answer. "I was never rejected. I've always been too busy stealing stuff…fighting stuff…stealing stuff…"

"Was it Cloud?"

If I had telekinetic powers like I always wanted I would make Vincent's wine explode in his face. Unfortunately though I was not gifted with such awesome power, so all I could do was throw the remains of my bread at him—at his chest, not at his face, because I had bad aim.

"Avoiding problems isn't healthy," Vincent commented as a bread crumb sailed lazily down into his lap. At his words I upped my firing rate, until it seemed it was snowing over his plate and lap.

"Isn't healthy?" I demanded, lobbing a huge chunk toward his wine. He caught it deftly between his pale fingers and calmly placed it on his plate. He smoldered me with his eyes.

"What's the matter, Kisaragi?"

"You said it's not healthy, and yet you do it all the time."

He leaned back into his seat, his eyes monotonous but a lean eyebrow arched up in curiosity.

"Like when?"

What should I say? Like _now_, stupid face? Like when you look at me and I know you want to say something, or when you chase away other guys and you think I don't notice but I do, or when you let yourself get hung up over a girl who turned you into a vampire and left you for a guy with a harelip? _**Like when, **_you ask!?

Stupid stupid stupid!

"I can't think of any," I said dully. I had run out of ammunition, the table was a mess, and I was angry at myself for not being able to tell it to Vincent straight.

"I see," was all he said, per usual.

We had a staring contest after that for a while.

"How're you all—oh sweet junipers, what happened?" the waitress exclaimed as she pulled up and surveyed my war zone. She seemed pretty shocked, with her pink manicured nails covering her shiny, glossed lips. Hey, did she just put on some makeup? Anyway, I thought my work was, well, a work of art, but apparently she thought it was a colossal and inappropriate mess.

"BMD," I said calmly to her.

"What was that?"

"Bread of mass destruction."

"I can see that," she told me.

"I'll clean it up," I told her.

"Let's hope so." She angled her body to Vincent, who was frowning quite deeply after having realized there was a stray crumb floating in his wine. "Sir, here's your food." She smiled coyly at him but he didn't seem to notice. Disappointed, she sulked away.

"It's a good thing you didn't order the escargot," I commented. "Because that's gross. It's cannibalism."

Vincent slowly dragged his eyes away from his what-he-now-considered-a-ruined drink.

"I'm sure—"

"_Cannibalism_."

"Cannibalism means eating another human, Yuffie."

I sighed and waited for my food that wasn't going to come. That waitress was probably withholding it so she could mix in some spit with it. "So? Snails are supposed to be our closest relatives, second only to gorillas and fairies."

"Fairies aren't real. And snails don't even have vertebra."

"What? Did you say you like bras?"

"…nevermind."

The waitress came back a few minutes later, surprisingly with a new plate of calamari along with my spaghetti. After slipping her an under-the-table tip and feeling extremely sophisticated for doing so, Vincent and I ate in silence.

After a while my stomach started to turn nervously. I slowly glanced up from eating.

"Hey Vince, there's this guy staring at you," I said in an offhanded manner after swallowing down some bread. "Two tables behind you. He has sunglasses on inside the restaurant. What a weirdo."

Vincent slowly shrugged his shoulders. "Are you sure it's not you he's looking at?"

"Valentine, if it was me he'd be all over me by now because I'm that hot."

Sigh. "…just eat, Yuffie."

I slipped back into subdued silence. That guy was creepy and I didn't like him. Or maybe that was my inner jealous Yuffie that didn't like some nasty other guy staring at Vincent like he was a piece of prime rib.

Hey, why did he keep grabbing at his shirt? Was he sweaty or something? I know Vincent was attractive, but he wasn't so much that it would actually make you sweat profusely. Besides, the restaurant is perfectly air conditioned. I should know, I can't feel my legs right now. (Which, by the way, is not a very good feeling when you're sitting across from a guy snuggled in a long, warm cape).

"Vincent, he keeps touching himself."

"…I'd appreciate if you didn't tell me such things while I'm eating, Yuffie."

I leaned forward so that I was practically talking to the table cover. "No, seriously, he keeps touching his collar."

Vincent paused for a second and then laid down his fork casually and called over the waitress. I'd never seen a girl move that fast. "Another drink?" he asked politely, nodding to her. Excited for being acknowledged, the waitress nodded enthusiastically and skittered off.

"Just keep eating," he told me calmly. Easy for him to be calm; he didn't have to look straight at the guy.

"But—"

"Just trust me."

I shoved a forkful of spaghetti in my mouth because I knew I'd never shut up other wise. It had finally dawned on him that the guy watching us wasn't just some public stalker intent on learning his eating habits. Geez, I really had to protect Vincent from this sort of thing. Who knew what kind of sick mind wanted to kidnap him and use him for a sex slave?

Besides me, of course.

"Is he still looking?" Vincent had just received his second wine and was tipping the glass carefully to his lips without actually drinking anything.

"Vinnie, is the sky blue? Does Cid smoke? Are Tifa's boobs a biological anomaly? _Of course he's still looking_! Gah!"

"What is it?"

Gawd Vinnie, don't snap the fork in half.

"His hand is in his pocket now—oh my gawd he's grabbing at something—Vinnie I think it's a gun!"

Vincent muttered something and slid his human hand across the table. He wrapped his suddenly cool fingers around mine and looked me straight in the eye.

"We have to go," he said very seriously.

I just nodded.

Seconds later I was being dragged behind Vincent through the labyrinth of alleys that Edge consisted of. I was very aware of somebody following us, just like how you're aware when somebody is giving you an intense stare. Actually, it seems that our follower had done just that in the last few minutes of our restaurant rendezvous.

Which, by the way, was completely ruined. Now that man would have to face my ire. Did he have _any _idea how hard it was to get Vincent to take me out like that?

"If he catches up with us, I'm going to kill him," I told Vincent as I caught up to his side and jogged with him. He looked down at me, and I could see the curiosity in his moonlit eyes.

"Why?"

I pouted. "He messed up my date with you."

Unfortunately, Vincent is much taller than me, and from my vantage point I couldn't tell if he was frowning or smiling. I sincerely hoped it was the latter.

Suddenly Vincent grabbed my wrist, halting my jog. In one fluid movement he picked me up into his arms, holding me snug against his chest. Then he started to run.

"There's more now," he explained, his face looking serene even though he must've been running much faster than a normal human. As I watched him run I realized that he would never cease to amaze me. Vincent wasn't completely human, after all, so I was positive that every other guy I'd meet in my life would pale in comparison to Vincent Valentine.

A shot ricocheted off the gray brick of the buildings and Vincent picked up speed.

I know this is dumb to point out when I'm in a life-or-death situation, but sitting in Vincent's arms is better than sitting in the game cars at the arcade. Seriously, he goes so much faster than those suckers. Plus, you know, the seats there don't smell like cologne like Vincent does. The seats at the arcade just smell like…smelly…nerdy…butt. And I won't go into detail what exactly that is, but it's gross.

Wow, now Vincent was doing a juggling act with my body. He seemed to be trying to support my entire weight with his left arm while he reached around his pants with his right. Gawd, he'd be a great circus attraction if he just ran around and carried women on biceps or something.

"You want me to piggy front you, Vincent?" I asked when I saw he was having trouble upholstering his gun. He simply shook his head.

"Don't talk dirty to me when I'm trying to concentrate, Yuffie."

"Huh? No, Vinnie, I mean, I can hold onto you, not you hold onto me! Look!" And before he could even respond I twisted my body and clung to his front. I wrapped my legs around his trim waist and wrapped my arms around his neck. Now he had two free hands. And now I could clearly see our followers…GAH!

"Holy crapballs, there's six of them! AHH!! THEY'RE SHOOTING AT US!"

_Bam! Bam! Bam! _Was all I heard as Vincent returned their fire. Even though I was now clinging to his chest like a parasitic monkey, he still had his left arm wrapped firmly around my waist, like he was afraid I'd fall out of his arms. Gawd, don't ask me how he could do all that and still keep running.

"Take that pig tit!" I snarled, hurling one of my ninja stars at a man. I think I sliced him pretty good, because the man yelled out and slowly fell back.

So I had cut down their numbers to five men, but now they knew that Vincent wasn't the only one capable of attacking too. I thought they'd start weaving or something, but instead, suddenly, they ran into a side alleyway and disappeared.

Vincent slowed to a jog, which in my world would still be close to breakneck speed.

Vincent's brow furrowed in confusion, his eyes narrowed as if he was straining to hear something. He stopped running completely. I wanted to hoot and holler that we'd won, but I knew that Vincent had some special hearing abilities, and if he was looking constipated right now, then I knew it couldn't be completely over.

Suddenly he growled.

"Hang on to me," he murmured.

I nodded dumbly, true to my moronic roots.

Then Vincent began running again like a crazed juggernaut, and it didn't take long to wonder why.

Really, bad guys are always so unfair. Jerks.

The five had reappeared again, but this time each sporting their own motorcycle. They weren't like the big ass one that Cloud likes hauling around, but small, economy-friendly ones. Cute, and small enough to weave through alleys.

Wait. That was bad.

Damn them all to guinea pig hell. Every time I tried to fling a shuriken at them now, they'd be able to swerve out of the way in time. So unfair! On the other hand though, Vincent was still running faster than them. Oh no, wait. They were catching up…hey that one guy was really close now…

"AHH! GET OFF MY FOOT, DEMON LLAMA!" I kicked the guy's hand away, and damn him ever more, my boot went with him. Excuse me, I need to emphasize that it was my _**favorite**_ boot. It was like the equivalent of Vincent losing his favorite claw—and don't tell me that he only has one because that's completely unsanitary. Or like Tifa losing one of the jellyfish—bless it's soul—that's been unceremoniously shoved into her boobs for extra…boobage. Or—

Gah! Ugh guh guh ughgughuggh.

That's pretty much the only noise I made as Vincent made a sharp turn and started running up flight after flight of metal stairs. My chin kept smacking his shoulder, making my teeth clatter, and if we were not running for our lives I'd think it was kinda comical.

Did I mention that all the guys look the same? They're all wearing suits, with black sunglasses, and short, cropped black hair. Well, except for one near the back that has long, flowing blonde hair. Weirdo. I'll let Vincent take care of that one.

Crap, Vincent is running out of places to go. We're nearly to the roof of this very tall building. Geez, he's been running for forever now. I could actually feel his body heat emanating off of his body. For a man that looked like a vampire he was incredibly warm. He wasn't sweating though; sweat glands seemed to be nonexistent in his system.

"Vinnie, what're we going to do?" I demanded nervously in his ear as he shot a few more wayward rounds behind him. Vincent was good, but he just couldn't run up stairs, hold me, and shoot properly at the same time.

What a generous man, he didn't give me a frickin' answer.

Well, we're on the roof now. Stuck between the end of a roof and five scary men (excluding the blonde drama queen). Oh snap, oh snap…

Gah, they're pulling out guns. Oh my heavens, they're all getting ready to shoot.

"Yuffie?"

"You better be about to tell me you're going to go Chaos on these guys asses or something—"

"…hold on tight."

And let me tell you, right then I came as close to pissing myself as I probably ever will in my entire life.

Vincent ran backwards and jumped straight off the roof.

Easy for him to do, but since I was still piggy-fronting him, I got a front row seat of watching the ground rush up to swallow me whole.

I'm not sure what I was screaming as we fell, but I'm sure it was the most profane word in the history of human language.

And as we fell, I could hear it. Five gunshots, and five gunshots only.

They didn't follow us after that.

"Yuffie?"

Gawd, who was making a terrible noise?

"Yuffie."

Geez…somebody seriously needed to chomp down on a pacifier…

"**Yuffie**."

Whoops, heh he he. The noise was coming from me. See, I still haven't gotten over seeing Vincent kill people…normal people…in cold blood. I knew that he did it all the time, but it still made me want to wretch. Dead monsters I could handle. Dead people…I don't…urk…I have to…barf…

Vincent put me down and leaned me over a garbage can, where I retched miserably. What a gentleman, he even rubbed my back in slow circles while all of that damn calamari and bread made it's way back up my throat.

I couldn't really talk after that. Hey, I was embarrassed. How would YOU like your first date to turn into a motorcycle chase and end with you puking in an alleyway? Totally not how I pictured romancing Vincent Valentine…

Vincent carried me the rest of the way back to his mansion, where he leaned me against my fat chocobo and went to call Cloud. I patted the chocobo's hide as it _warked_ at me.

"I know," I said glumly. "Sad excuse for a date, huh?"

Gawd, my hands were shaking as I held onto his reigns and tried to forget how the men's brains would've gone _splat _when he shot them.

Stupid thing just _warked_ again.

"Yuffie," Vincent said as he reappeared by my side. He spoke softly and close to my face, as if he was afraid I'd break. Very kind of him, I thought, since I smelled like nasty barf. "I need to speak with Cloud. Would if be alright with you if I take you back myself?" He glanced at the chocobo that I was leaning heavily on for support. "He can stay in the stables out back for the night."

I nodded, then noticed that he was struggling to hold something behind his back.

"You OK?" I asked suddenly, when his face suddenly contorted, like he'd just been kicked in the nuts. It was pretty funny to see Vincent do that. Wait no, I was still kinda scared of him at the moment.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, his wine-red eyes sincere. "I didn't think…that…ending a person's life…would still affect you in such a way." I could see he was struggling to find the right words to not offend, something that was nearly unheard of for the ever-eloquent Vincent.

I shrugged, trying to look disaffected. "I'll get over it." I glanced at the way he was doing a sort of wiggling dance with his hips. "What're you doing, Vince?"

He scrunched up his nose. "I have a…ow…birthday present for you."

"Oh."

Sorry, running from guys meaning to kill me, only to have them end up dead themselves, kinda pushes everything to the back of my mind.

"Close your eyes."

I nodded.

"Put out your hands."

I let go of the reigns of my fatty chocobo.

Suddenly the chocobo was warking up a storm, and suddenly I had something very fuzzy in my hands.

"Ah!" I yelled, when the fuzzy thing took the liberty to bite the crap out of my thumb. My eyes flew open and I looked down at the yellow ball of puppy fuzz that I was holding up by the armpits. The puppy was growling and having a field day trying to bite off my fingers.

"…no one wanted him," Vincent explained.

I felt like saying something sarcastic, but then the puppy looked up at me. He had startling green eyes, the same shade of Aeris'. He stopped gnawing at my fingers and let his soft, small tongue loll out of his mouth.

And so I fell in love with a puppy named Verde.

"Aw crap," I said, when the puppy decided to leak on Vincent's pants. Wow, he had a pretty far trajectory path. Very talented, much like me. 'Cept I didn't take the liberty of peeing on handsome men's pants.

So we were debating whether to shower before we left when Cloud called again, insistent on hearing our story. I rolled my eyes while I stood on my left leg, since I was missing a shoe on my right one. And Verde, of course, thought this was all some kind of game so was trying his hardest to jump up and gobble down my toes.

"We have to show up all stinky, don't we?"

Vincent nodded. I sighed.

"Gawd, the hell is his problem. You know, we always waited for _him _as he took his beauty showers. Why's is always so insistent with _us_? It's like he always pushes our feelings aside, you know, Valentine? Seriously, Vincent, we should have a bad ass uprising against our so-called leader…what's the matter?"

I was babbling for sure, and Vincent had been watching me with thinly veiled curiosity. Then he moved forward, like a cat, and tugged my head to his chest, resting his lips on my forehead. Verde barked happily and made a frenzied dive for Vincent's black pants.

"I'll protect you," he murmured. Huh? Why'd he say something like that? Geez, Vincent never made any sense.

Still, it made me feel better, and quieted my nervous shivers some.

So Vincent called a cab, and we freakin had to pay the man extra just for having the puppy in the car. Oh well, we were even because I coaxed Verde into pissing on the leather seat.

What was strange, though, was that Vincent had sat in the back with me. And even stranger, he held me to his side with his claw wrapped around my shoulder, like he thought I'd fall out the window or something. I dunno, I didn't know what to make of it.

Oh, I probably need to mention at this point that the whole ride over, in addition to holding me, he watched me. The.Whole.Time. Not even trying to hide it or anything! Hey, I'm not complaining, I'm just saying that…oh agh urgh. I don't even know what I'm saying. Truthfully, the whole time I was completely unintelligible. My head? A big ball of mush. And I swear, Vincent can hear the change in heartbeats because he seemed to be sporting a smirk every time my heart accelerated when the car hit a bump and our bodies moved closer. Aw crap, was he flirting with me? If so, I'm totally lame because all I did was play with Verde's ears and not look at…him…oh…can't…think…straight…anymore…

I sat in the back of the bar as Vincent, Cloud, and Tifa talked over the counter. Marlene and Denzel were fast asleep by then, since it was literally in the middle of the night by then. Even Verde was pooping out and only making slow circles around my feet.

I wandered upstairs a little later after Verde fell asleep on the floor. I tossed my dirty clothes on my floor and hopped into a shower. I needed to wash the pukey smell off of me. For the sake of letting Marlene and Denzel sleep though, I made the shower short.

When I came back down the stairs, wearing a tank top and spandex shorts, the three adults were no longer talking in hushed whispers but conversing in a more casual way. Obviously the whole matter had been sorted out in the few minutes I'd been gone.

"So, what was _that _about?" I asked as I slid into a counter stool next to Vincent.

Cloud snickered. "You tell me," he said.

"Huh?"

Vincent elaborated for me, bless his soul. "They were chasing after you."

"WHAT?!"

Tifa nearly slapped me. "Yuffie! The kids!"

"Whoops. _Sorry_," I whispered. I frowned. "_Why were they chasing after me?_"

"Stop whispering like that, you sound like a hag," Cloud was kind enough to tell me. "I was able to get info from their…leader, I suppose…that you stole some materia from some very important people. Can you remember who?"

I snorted, then stopped myself when I realized that Cloud didn't look happy with me at all. "The only person I haven't stolen from is…well, practically no one. So no, no face comes to mind right now."

Cloud shook his head. "Yuffie, you—"

Tifa cut him off short. "But it's OK, _isn't it_?" she asked Cloud with a glare. "Because all you stole was some low level materia that luckily we had in our own weapons."

"Oh. Good, I guess? Wait…they came here?"

Cloud nodded, still giving me the dirty business with his eyes.. "Right after Vincent called. We gave them the materia. They shouldn't be bothering you now."

I felt disturbed, but I kept that to myself.

"I'm going to sleep," I said, because even though Tifa said it was OK, I felt like Cloud was glaring at me too harshly. Obviously he blamed me for putting them in possible danger.

And it was my fault, wasn't it? That five guys…possibly six…were dead.

"I'm sorry," I said shortly. "I'll pay you back..in the morning." And then I slid out of the stool, feeling like a ghost. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Tifa glaring murder at Cloud, who was giving her a 'What?' look in annoyance.

I quietly walked up the stairs and Vincent followed me. No one objected, not even Cloud. Verde jolted awake when he saw me leaving and whimpered as he scampered up the stairs after me.

"Valentine, what're you doing?" I asked tiredly, coming to a stop in the middle of my room. I didn't bother to turn on the light, but that was fine because my window let in a sufficient amount of moonlight.

His answer was to quietly shut the door behind him.

I sighed, trying to sound annoyed. But I wasn't. Gawd, I was nervous. Because what the hell was Vincent doing in my room? _Following _me, a teenager, into my room? Was he going nuts all of a sudden? What happened to Vincent and his proprieties?

"Yuffie."

His voice was soft and gentle, and it made me more nervous. I glanced at the wall, and was horrified to find that I could see the faces of the men that were dead. Oh gawd. Oh crap, I was scared now.

I sniffed, feeling like I was the root of all evil at that moment.

"…it's not your fault," Vincent said softly, but we both knew that wasn't the truth. I just shook my head sadly, not facing him, and made my way over to my bed. I had one knee propped up on my head when I felt his heat behind me.

He was leaning over me, his hair creating a curtain around our faces. I was trembling so bad that it was ridiculous.

"They're dead," was all I was able to say.

"…"

"Vinnie?"

"…yes."

Was I really going to do this?

Yes, I had to. Because I knew, if I didn't ask, that the shadows on the wall would creep over to me and strangle me in my sleep.

"Can you sleep with me tonight?"

A pause. Then he sighed.

"Yes."

OOOO


End file.
